Issue #2 | November 10, 2025
Proudly seasoned by Trophy Wife - The Official Finishing Salt of The Deeter Digest. Because you are the prize, and so is this salt.
🥄 FIRST BITE
The appetizer before we dive in
Welcome to The Deeter Digest. This week, Kimberly-Clark spent $49 billion on Band-Aids, Mid-Day Squares is tripling factories without VC money, and Monster is launching something called FLRT.
The biggest CPG deal of the decade just happened. Let’s unpack it.
🍊 THE MAIN COURSE
This week’s biggest CPG moves
Kimberly-Clark’s $49B Healthcare Play
The toilet paper giant is acquiring Kenvue for $49 billion, making it the largest CPG deal of the decade. Kenvue – spun out from J&J in May 2023 – owns Tylenol, Band-Aid, Listerine, Neutrogena, and Zarbee’s. The stock is down 35% since the spinoff.
The Crunch: From Kleenex to Tylenol – Kimberly-Clark just bought instant healthcare credibility. Kenvue struggled standalone and needed scale. Now K-C goes from wiping noses to treating headaches. Vertical integration at its finest.
Mid-Day Squares’ Manufacturing Masterclass
The Canadian chocolate brand is tripling manufacturing capacity by 2027 using debt and cash flow – no equity dilution. Currently heading to $100M revenue, expecting $45M CAD this fiscal year. First non-chocolate product launches 2026.
The Crunch: Real businesses build factories before unicorn valuations. While everyone else raises at inflated multiples, Mid-Day Squares is using actual profits to fund actual infrastructure. Revolutionary.
Urban Farmer Acquires Caulipower
The better-for-you frozen food consolidation continues as Urban Farmer scoops up cauliflower pizza pioneer Caulipower. Terms undisclosed, but this marks another established brand finding new ownership.
The Crunch: Cauliflower everything peaked in 2019. Now the category consolidates. Urban Farmer betting they can revive the magic or integrate the supply chain. Time will tell.
💰 THE FUNDING FRENZY
Big checks being written
The Big Rounds:
Cymbiotika: $25M seed at $150M revenue (Post Malone, Daymond John led)
Cove: $15M Series A for Canadian soda (7,000 stores)
Oddball: $2M seed for clean jelly snacks (Springdale led)
The Acquisitions:
Kimberly-Clark/Kenvue: $49B mega-deal
Urban Farmer/Caulipower: Frozen food consolidation
Clearstone/Brüst: Protein coffee play
Vranjes Firenze/Integra: L’Occitane’s scent empire grows
The Drama:
Miyoko’s: Founder wants to buy back insolvent company
Doughlicious: Future Back Ventures investment
Alec’s Ice Cream: $1.25M credit line
The Crunch: From $49B acquisitions to $2M seeds, every price point is active. Celebrity money flowing at scale (not startup) while strategic buyers consolidate categories.
🏪 DISTRIBUTION DOMINATION
Everyone’s everywhere
Major Retail Wins:
Benny: Storewide at Target
Once Upon a Coconut: Wegmans expansion
Bachan’s: Costco Northwest
KiZE: 600+ Albertsons stores
Sockerbit: Swedish candy at Target
Regional Expansions:
Wavers: 7-Eleven Australia
PopSips: H-E-B launch
Low & Slow: Sam’s Club Texas
Sourmilk: Happier Grocery
Konsoom: Foxtrot stores
Digital/DTC:
HY.Q: Amazon launch
Monster FLRT: Coming 2026
The Crunch: Another week, another 5,000+ doors. Target alone added multiple brands. The shelf wars intensify as everyone fights for the same real estate. Delisting season approaches.
🎾 CELEBRITY & COLLABS
This week’s famous faces and partnerships
Celebrity Launches:
Dua Lipa x Augustinus Bader: DUA skincare ($40-80)
Khloud x Blank Street: Coffee collab
Athletic Brewing x Vans Warped Tour: Side Stage brew
Brand Collaborations:
Bachan’s x Laoban: Taiwanese Popcorn Chicken
Grüns: Licensed product drop
Pathfinder: Espresso Tonic launch
Key Hire:
Skims: Major beauty executive joining
The Crunch: Every celebrity needs a skincare line. Every brand needs a collab. The partnership economy continues its relentless march.
🆕 PRODUCT LAUNCHES
This week’s innovation (or lack thereof)
Protein Everything:
WELD: 18g protein energy drinks (January 2026)
Neutonic: Expanded into creatine
Lemme: Colostrum gummies and liquid
Better-For-You Updates:
Unwell: Frosted Cranberry energy drink
Bubble: Color correcting balms
MoonBrew: New sleep line
Surreal: Complete rebrand
Premium Plays:
Little Sesame: Truffle hummus
Recess: Peppermint Bark ‘Tini
Willie’s Remedy+: THC shot line
The Crunch: Protein in everything. Creatine going mainstream. Colostrum is the new collagen. Innovation or desperation? You decide.
📊 THE DATA DIGEST
Numbers that matter
$49B: Kimberly-Clark/Kenvue deal
$150M: Cymbiotika revenue before raising
173%: Celsius Q3 revenue growth ($725M)
37%: Vital Farms Q3 growth ($198.9M)
35%: Kenvue stock decline since spinoff
3x: Mid-Day Squares capacity expansion
18g: Protein in WELD energy drinks
600+: New Albertsons doors for KiZE
🎙️ FROM THE PODCAST
This week on Unpackaged Goods
Interviewed Daniel from Dirty Gut about building a gut health brand that actually talks about poop. Plus: Deep dive on the Kimberly-Clark/Kenvue deal and what it means for CPG consolidation.
Key insight: “The most uncomfortable conversations create the best business opportunities.”
[Listen to Episode 8 →]
🔥 THE HOT TAKE
My unfiltered opinion on this week’s madness
Kimberly-Clark just spent $49 billion on Band-Aids and Tylenol. That’s billion with a B. For context, that’s more than the GDP of 100+ countries.
Meanwhile, Mid-Day Squares is quietly building a chocolate empire with – wait for it – their own money. No venture capital. No inflated valuations. Just debt, cash flow, and actual factories.
This is the tale of two CPGs: financial engineering versus actual engineering.
Cymbiotika hit $150M without raising equity, then took celebrity money at scale. Urban Farmer is rolling up cauliflower brands. Monster is launching something called FLRT (I don’t want to know). And everyone – EVERYONE – is adding protein to everything.
The real story? Infrastructure beats everything else. Mid-Day Squares tripling capacity. Vital Farms adding production lines. Real businesses building real things.
While Dua Lipa launches skincare and protein infiltrates every category, the winners are pouring concrete, not posting content.
Build factories, not follower counts. That’s still the game.
📺 COMING MONDAY
The Deeter Digest: Week in Review
Breaking down why every celebrity thinks they need a CPG brand and whether protein energy drinks are peak optimization or peak stupidity.
🥫 ONE MORE THING...
Before you close this tab
Celsius grew 173%. Swedish candy landed at Target. Truffle hummus exists. The simulation continues to glitch.
But here’s what matters: The biggest deal in CPG history just happened while a bootstrap chocolate company quietly triples production. That’s the duality of modern CPG – go big or go home, but make sure you own the factory.
Until next Sunday, Jonathan Deeter Your CPG-Obsessed Friend
P.S.
Monster launching FLRT in 2026. I have questions. We all have questions. Some questions are better left unasked.
TikTok | Podcast | Instagram | Pickle Advisors | YouTube
This newsletter is finished with Trophy Wife Finishing Salts - elevating every bite since 2025
What an awesome recap. Love the format too!